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November 7, 2006 · Posted in Rantings

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CRAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!
I am so mad right now I could chew nails and poop out shingles. Iâ€™m sick of being sick!!
Iâ€™m sick of the fact that I want a family that doesnâ€™t yell at each other or at things. I am sick of the fact that I need to get away from this for a while and I cant escape. I have a 17 yr old who thinks he can just tell ME what to do! I have a wife who is going through some problems right now and Iâ€™m not well enough to do anything about it. Hell Iâ€™m part of the cause.

How do I say this without hurting anyoneâ€™s feelings or causing a fight? IM NOT HAPPY!

I canâ€™t believe I have caused this AGGGGGGAAAIIIINNN! In my life!

I canâ€™t do my job right. It s the best job I have ever had. But I hate it. I hate customer service. I hate having to put on a smile and be nice. It is all a lie and I cant stand it.

The office is all fake and the principals are all fake. And I have to keep swallowing my pride and keep on trudging through it and keep going. It sucks!

Maybe I shouldnâ€™t be here. I dont know. Just makes me sad

Ok Iâ€™m calmer now. I just needed to blow.

The situation with Ben sucks. Because I’m only a step dad and I didnâ€™t have any influence on him until he was 10 yrs old, now I have to listen to him tell me what to do? Since when do I have to listen to a young pup tell me what to do. I dont let the 3 yr old do that. But I have to with Ben. How do I not be pissed at that?
How do I tell my fragile wife that I love her when Iâ€™m afraid to touch her and some days even afraid to say anything to her?

I need cuddling and closeness right now but the canyon between us is cracked open and growing wider.
I have to break a rule here and go to bed mad. I cant just “get over it”. I’m sick of it!

Anyone got any ideas how I can deal with this without hurting feelings, or making anyone mad, or making anyone worry?

I honestly dont what to do. I dont want to be one of those “It’s ok dear, It will be ok” guys when I know it wont.

I want to make some changes here but I dont want to deal with the consequences when or if I get the chance.

I lot of the things I stand for and ideas that I have about the way things should be are different than they are right now. And someoneâ€™s not going to be happy if I change anything. That is why I have not made some changes. And truthfully I WONT make them because I dont want to start a war.
I’ll just give in like always and just follow along. Man wghat a gutless soul I am.
i just want to give it all up …..