Teacher huh?

May 10, 2008 · Posted in New, Tribune articles · Comment

This months installment from wifes column! {clap}

Well, this last month hasn’t quite been the giant bowl of yucks that it has been in the past. My mom has had to go to a nursing home for the long haul, and that has kind of sucked the joy out of a lot of things for me. Her memory has gone to the point where most days, she thinks I’m her sister, 50 years ago or so, and my oldest son is her brother before he got married and moved away. And the younger grandkids are just cute little kids she has pictures of. She doesn’t really recognize my Dad as her husband, some days either. That’s not easy to see. On the 20th, they’ll have been married for 58 years. That’s pretty impressive, in my opinion. I can’t imagine that much time under one roof with anyone. I like my “me” time!

But the other day, after we’d been to see Grandma, taken Grandpa back home, and were FINALLY (said with all the exasperation that a 4 year old can muster, complete, I’m sure with a GIANT eye roll) on our way back home, Andy announced to me: “When I grow up, I’m going to work at Checkers!” Said with the same enthusiasm that he usually reserves for “I’m going to have cake!” Now, mind you, there’s nothing wrong with working fast food. I’ve done it. It paid my bills for several years. I went to school to manage restaurants, and despite what people think, even fast food with a drive through counts as a restaurant. It’s like a denim jumper compared to a ball gown. They’re both dresses, just not in the same category. But with this child’s wicked imagination, and intelligence, I just feel that maybe we should aspire to something a little “more” than fast food.

I said “Well, honey, I think that maybe you should be like a scientist, or a doctor when you grow up! You are so smart, you could come up with a cure for cancer, so nobody else’s Daddy has to go through cancer like your Dad did.” And he says, “OR! I could be a TEACHER! If a school doesn’t have a teacher, then I can be the teacher, and if the kids want a “A” then I’ll give ‘em a “A”, and if they want a “F” then that’s what they’ll get! It’ll just be an “A” and “F” school! Isn’t THAT a great idea?” You know, the more I think about it, maybe that’s the way schools SHOULD be. So much of life is ”Pass/Fail”, maybe school should prepare you for it. It could be a charter school, maybe. You go through the lessons, and you take a test, and you either get it, or you don’t. Time to start going to school board meetings! I’ll lobby for the pass/fail system! Like Bonnie Rait says in her song; “Let’s Give ‘em Somethin’ to Talk About!” Wouldn’t THAT be an interesting brew-ha-ha!

{clap}

Thanks Mom

March 29, 2007 · Posted in Ramblings · Comment

My mother has been a Christian all her life. And I think a Lutheran most or all of that!

Even in “My midlife”, my mother can always offer some kind of comfort to her “baby” when I am feeling blue about life.
Here is what she told me in an email.

“God doesn’t always still the storm, but he can calm the sailor.”
I love you today!!”Mom”

Thanks Mom! I love you too! God bless you!

aSD?L:kSLJF’SDLKANFE’

November 7, 2006 · Posted in Rantings · Comment

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CRAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!
I am so mad right now I could chew nails and poop out shingles. Iâ€™m sick of being sick!!
Iâ€™m sick of the fact that I want a family that doesnâ€™t yell at each other or at things. I am sick of the fact that I need to get away from this for a while and I cant escape. I have a 17 yr old who thinks he can just tell ME what to do! I have a wife who is going through some problems right now and Iâ€™m not well enough to do anything about it. Hell Iâ€™m part of the cause.

How do I say this without hurting anyoneâ€™s feelings or causing a fight? IM NOT HAPPY!

I canâ€™t believe I have caused this AGGGGGGAAAIIIINNN! In my life!

I canâ€™t do my job right. It s the best job I have ever had. But I hate it. I hate customer service. I hate having to put on a smile and be nice. It is all a lie and I cant stand it.

The office is all fake and the principals are all fake. And I have to keep swallowing my pride and keep on trudging through it and keep going. It sucks!

Maybe I shouldnâ€™t be here. I dont know. Just makes me sad

Ok Iâ€™m calmer now. I just needed to blow.

The situation with Ben sucks. Because I’m only a step dad and I didnâ€™t have any influence on him until he was 10 yrs old, now I have to listen to him tell me what to do? Since when do I have to listen to a young pup tell me what to do. I dont let the 3 yr old do that. But I have to with Ben. How do I not be pissed at that?
How do I tell my fragile wife that I love her when Iâ€™m afraid to touch her and some days even afraid to say anything to her?

I need cuddling and closeness right now but the canyon between us is cracked open and growing wider.
I have to break a rule here and go to bed mad. I cant just “get over it”. I’m sick of it!

Anyone got any ideas how I can deal with this without hurting feelings, or making anyone mad, or making anyone worry?

I honestly dont what to do. I dont want to be one of those “It’s ok dear, It will be ok” guys when I know it wont.

I want to make some changes here but I dont want to deal with the consequences when or if I get the chance.

I lot of the things I stand for and ideas that I have about the way things should be are different than they are right now. And someoneâ€™s not going to be happy if I change anything. That is why I have not made some changes. And truthfully I WONT make them because I dont want to start a war.
I’ll just give in like always and just follow along. Man wghat a gutless soul I am.
i just want to give it all up …..

Here’s more

August 25, 2006 · Posted in Lymphoma, Rantings · Comment

Friday morning and Iâ€™m feeling better for now. I got good nights sleep and I think I will make it today.

Thursday I did not feel so well. I was up at 6 am for work but by 9 am I was cranky, nauseated, and tired. So I had Jules call in sick for me. I was in bed and couldnâ€™t wake up. I napped till 3:30 pm then went back to clinic for a shot of growth hormone to make my bone marrow produce more white cells. Doctor said my white blood cell count wont go so low that way and my risk of catching any infection will be lower.

So, chemotherapy cycle #2 is in my body. The personal problem I have? Right now Iâ€™m steaming mad about this! This is first time I have gotten angry. My little boy inside keeps saying, â€œI hate this! Make it go away! I donâ€™t want to do this anymore!â€ Then the grown up inside says, â€œWhy me?â€ This is crazy! I know the outcome of the alternative.Â I know I need to pursue the treatment.

I went to church last night and again The Lord saw fit to aim the hymns and sermon right at me. I know The Lord works for everyone but He knows my needs!) This happens every time I go to church. Iâ€™ve been a Lutheran all my life but now Iâ€™m finally â€œgetting itâ€ slowly. The opening hymn â€œBe strong in the Lordâ€ made me cry. I would post the lyrics here but canâ€™t find them. It deeply affected me.

Iâ€™m not good at prayer but hear goes. Lord have mercy on me. You are the physician! You are the light! You know the plan for me. My suffering in no way compares to Your suffering on The Cross. You did that to forgive ALL our sins. Please give me the strength to endure this ordeal and help me see it through till the end. Please help all others who are suffering this disease or any other medical problem. I lay this in your hand Lord

In Jesus name
Amen

week 2

August 15, 2006 · Posted in Lymphoma, Ramblings · Comment

Well, here it is week #3 of chemo and I’m just now starting to feel better. Trouble is, next Wed I get second treatment. I sure have been through the range of side effects. I hope next treatment goes easier. It sucks being sick!

Keep checking back! I will update this video when the hair falls out!

Click the picture above or here to see the video!